Sarah Rodas' Testimony

God is a Subtle Suitor

Our world is full of high tech computer graphics, super-fast information transfer, interactive virtual reality experiences, and a constant barrage of sensory distractions. With all of this intensity, our expectations are heightened. We are disappointed if a movie looks anything but completely real.  We expect constant entertainment. We get bored easily.  Doing one thing at a time feels too slow. We skip Epcot and go straight for the newest, fastest roller coaster. We want our fries super-sized and our movies I-max, 3-D, Dolby surround sound. 

With such a world as this, we can virtually see the most exciting things from the comfort of our living room couches; just from human inventions. We expect God to be infinitely more impressive! After all, He did create all of this. He even created the ability to invent such clever things. He made the sun, rainbows, and the Grand Canyon. He made the crystal clear waters of the Virgin Islands, the mighty great white shark, the beautifully complex human body. God surely is much more impressive than anything we have seen yet.     

The truth is, yes, God is going to blow you away and completely amaze you when we are able to see His full glory.  Being in God’s presence, turned the very skin of Moses white. He glowed and had to wear a veil over his face, for the rest of his life. But the most beautiful thing about God, to me, is the humble way that He courts you. He has revealed Himself to me as a subtle suitor: willing to wait, loving abundantly, needing nothing in return, being completely there for you, and loving unconditionally, forever. He does all of this in ways most of us don’t even notice, much less fully appreciate. It took me a long time to see what He was doing in my life, but when I realized how he had courted me for so many years, I was blown away. And to think, I couldn’t even see Him most of the time! 

I was a girl who always seemed to have a boyfriend.  I had long-term relationships from the age of three, it seems.  The psychology behind that is another story, but suffice it to say, I devoted a lot of my time and energy to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. There were few times in my life, where a boy was not the center of my attention.  (I do not recommend this to you young people out there!) But, finally, I found myself in the throes of a painful divorce and then a long dry spell of men in my life. 

Through this dry time, I began to learn about myself. I did not see God clearly, but He was there, like a parent who lets you learn on your own, but always there, loving you. These years for me were good, even though they were hard. I spent the time in reflection and growth. Still, I felt lonely. I did not fully see how God was admiring me from afar. He was there in every hard turn, with a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. He didn’t push Himself on me. He just carefully, almost anonymously, placed lessons in my path. I could choose to step over them, and sometimes did; but He extended his hand for me to take when I wanted it. He was loving me truly- not like the men I had been focusing on. He was allowing me to be me, making my own choices, mistakes, accomplishments, and yet never leaving my side. He was there, ready to build me up, asking for nothing in return.  

I learned so much about myself in those years. I learned what I wanted in life and what I had to offer. I had spent so much time trying to be in relationships that I did not know who I was or who I wanted. God was purposeful to shelter me during this time, and He literally hid men from me. I would walk through a restaurant, a store, the mall, and try to find a man I would even consider; and there were none. It was such a strange phenomenon to me. I could do it any time. I could not think of one person I knew, or see one man in a crowd, and think, that is a man I could imagine myself with. This went on for years. I would tell people this and they did not really believe me. They would point out attractive men and my eyes were just closed to the them.  I actually wanted to see someone, but could not.  God was sheltering me from myself and protecting me, yet I did not even realize it. 

After a while, some men began to come into my life that were interesting to me.  I was cautious, but lonely and hoping to find love.  I met the man who bragged and told tall tales about accomplishments.  I met the man who was too smart for his own good.  I met the guy who thought he had it all together, the artist, the leader, the one with charisma, the good looking one, the not so good looking one, the thinker, the strong but silent type, the mama’s boy, the work-a-holic, the devoted one, the one who looked good on paper, the one who shared a chemistry with me, and wow I definitely met a few that really needed me to fix them! Through each one, I learned a specific lesson. It is now so clear how God was leading me through, but at the time, I just noticed that as the major ones moved on, I was still ok. I was anxious at times for my future to be settled.  I was confused at times. But, I was learning lessons. I was not the same, naïve girl, who always needed a guy to feel complete. I was more and more ok.

I came to a place in my life, where I knew I could not settle for just some guy to pass the time with. I needed the person God had in store for me or, I needed no one. I had become content with that idea. I knew God could be my focus. He had, after all, everything I needed. He would love me unconditionally, and never leave, cheat, lie. He was all I truly needed. That thought began to comfort me, and give me strength in a way, I had not experienced before. He was not telling me I would be alone to raise my daughter, or to go through life with no companionship,  just that I needed to put my trust in Him.  He would stand up to any test I gave Him.  He was loyal to me.  And still, He did not push. He let me find my way closer and closer to Him. His voice was so gentle, comforting, quiet.  I was learning to be more discerning in my choices, and God, like a best friend who secretly loves you, supported me through every heart ache.  God was slowly giving me strength in Him, but letting me find my own way.

Finally, I found myself in a class at church, about human sexuality; not sex per se, but how it is to be fully man, and fully woman, in relationships with others. God brought me so many words of wisdom in that class, until I became very convicted about where I was going.  I felt strongly that God was asking me to be a Christian woman, following His guidance, putting Him first, and yet willing to share with someone all I had to offer. Then, I relaxed. God was in control. I was to focus on this beautiful life He had given me.  When I finally gave over to His ways, that is when God showed me how much He loves me.  It was like He went down to the jewelry store and picked out the most precious ring that He knew I would love.  He seemed to have been thinking this all along, because the gift He gave me, was made by Him. It had so many special details, I knew they were crafted and chosen just for me.  It was not a diamond ring he picked out for me, but a man who was very good at showing me the love of God.    

Sal came into my life like a whirlwind and God’s voice was all over him!  This man seemed to have so many good traits that were perfectly designed just for me!  It was uncanny.  As we learned more and more about each other, it seemed that God had led us down two paths that were meant to merge.  He even took the times we had gone down the wrong paths and turned them for good.  The man God had prepared for me, wants to live a moral life; he is a man of honor. He works hard, loves family, and has musical talents to support my daughter’s gifts. He likes to build a home for family and friends, likes to travel, honors his commitments; he can teach me things in patient ways. He likes to cook and watch movies.  We value so many of the same things.  But what stands out most in Sal, is how much he loves me. He wants to love me.  He wants to make me happy in so many ways. He works hard to give me the life, God wants me to have.  Sal is a loving person, who is willing to sacrifice everything, to show me love.  He never leaves my presence without giving me a loving hug or kiss; no matter how late he is running. He carefully listens to what I say and thinks about it. He always tries to notice what I need and provide it. He is so focused on caring for me, supporting me, and making me feel safe; that it can be nothing less than God’s love, coming through this man. He is my gift. If I had asked God to build me a man, it would have been this man. 

Sal is not perfect, our relationship is not perfect. We live in a broken world and we are broken.  But, my husband is someone to share the burdens of life with, and he wants to do this with me. God said to me, that if I can see Him, who is the creator of it all, and let Him love me, He will shower me with love and gifts.  He does this in many ways, but He does it most, through the people in my life.  I truly believe that if we allow ourselves to be conduits of God’s love, we will live in a world overflowing with joy.  He wants us to live in joy!  He may have other plans for you, but He has a plan and it includes joy! 

The secret is to give over to His plan. Listen, learn, allow Him to speak to you and through you. Trust Him. Be sure, He will not push us. He is not a forceful, insistent suitor. He is a gentle, subtle suitor. He is helping, protecting, waiting, loving, even if you keep Him away, He is reaching out, trying to love you. He does not need you; He simply wants you. He wants to shower His love on you and through you. He wants to be yours and you His. He will wait for you as long as it takes, but I say, don’t make Him wait. 
Sarah Rodas

Ephesians 3:14-19

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.  May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. (NLT)